How to Drive

My commute to work is 30 minutes. Not too bad, but not great. Anyway, this gives me about an hour of my day that I spend alongside people who have no common sense and no common courtesy. I'm a pretty safe driver, but I break out in hives if I have to go the speed limit or worse, under it. So here's a list of things that every driver should know.

1. The left lane is for fast drivers. If you're not going to go fast, move over! Tonight I was driving home and a Fed-Ex truck was passing me on my right. To the gold Toyota Camry in front of me: Not Acceptable.

2. If you are driving an semi with an oversized load, don't drive during early morning rush hour, especially when your truck takes up 2 entire lanes. 3 lanes of traffic condensed to one at 7:40 a.m.: Not Acceptable.

3. If you see a cop and you are speeding, it is acceptable to slow down to the speed limit, or sometimes slightly over it. Slowing down to 5 or 10 miles (or more under) the limit: Not Acceptable.

4. I a courteous driver. If you're going faster than me or even almost as fast, I will let you pass in front of me. If you're going very slow, do not pass in front of me at the last second. Again, driving slow in the left lane is not acceptable. Moreover, if you are going slower than me and want over. Wait for me to pass. DO NOT speed up, pass in front of me, and then slow down back to your previous speed. One time, I was in the left lane and this van in front of me was going maybe 55 miles an hour (the limit is 65). I was going much faster and so I passed him. When I got back in my lane, the van for some reason thought it would be a good idea to try to go around me, driving close to 90. He gets in front of me and then slows back down to 55. I of course was so pissed off, but had no opportunity to pass for awhile. Anyway, I get close to my exit and the van gets over and goes the exact same speed as me for almost a mile. I could not get over. I was finally able to and the van guy flipped me off. I went over the scenario in my head a dozen times or more, but could not find anything at all that would have pissed him off in the first place. Anyway, this is an extreme example of my biggest pet driving peeve. Point: speeding up to pass a car and then slowing down once in front of it: NOT ACCEPTABLE.

5. When I'm driving, if there is a car in front of me, I slow down. So if you are behind me, you are not going to get me to speed up if it is impossible for me to do so. Driving too close behind me to scare me into speeding up does not work. It only angers me and puts both of us in an unsafe situation, especially if I have to stop suddenly. Also, speeding up, slowing down, and then speeding up again does not work. If someone is in front of me, I will not, under any circumstance, try to driver over them, like in a monster truck rally. My car is not built for that. Trying to force me to go faster: Not Acceptable.

6. If you are going to smoke, please don't throw your cigarette out the window. If you are going to do that anyway, make sure you're far enough in front of me that your cigarette does not hit my car. This is unacceptable.

7. Brakes are for breaking. Brakes are not for warning me that you are going to brake. People who tap their brakes repeatedly as a "caution" that they're about to brake, seriously piss me off. Seeing those lights go off and on is an epileptic seizure just waiting to happen. I do pay attention to the cars in front of me. Pushing the brakes one time is enough to get my attention and signal to me that I need to slow down.

8. I'm all for driving around, listening to your music, even loudly. I am against bass so loud that it shakes my house. Hearing someone else's bass from the comfort of my own home, especially late at night: Unacceptable.

I'm sure there are other things that piss me off about drivers. These are just the ones that come to mind.
If you think of any others, let me know. Post a comment. It'll be like an interactive blog.